Thin
by The Less You See
Summary: Why was I the only one not good enough for this family? I don't know, but I'm sure as hell going to find out. A Child's Struggle: Act 1/ Warning- Anorexia


Sept. 8th

You know what people say about the famous Harry Potter? That he's smart and brave and- ugh, dare I say it- bloody gorgeous?

Even if I don't exactly agree with all of those opinions, I definitely see where they're coming from and I definitely acknowledge that it's a lot to live up too.

Especially if you're his son. His middle son.

How the hell am I supposed to live up to that?

What makes it even harder is the fact that my older brother, James, is already on the fast track to being just as perfect as my father. And it's not like I get any encouragement to help soothe my precious ego. No, I get the questions like, 'Albus, why did you get a C on this test? Your brother was able to ace it!', or, 'Oh look, it's little, baby Potter! The resident fuck-up of his family! Merlin, how do you ever plan to live up to your father's reputation?'

Yeah, I'm the one who gets all of those questions. Not James. Not Lily. Me.

And what's so different about me anyway?

I guess they're smarter than me. Both are at the top of their year at Hogwarts, while I'm barely able to hang on to twelfth place. They have a lot more friends than I do. They are constantly surrounded by friends, while I was lucky to hold onto one. Both of them are also prettier than I am.

Wait.

That's it.

I'm watching myself in the mirror as I write this and have confirmed my suspicions. I'm fat and ugly and they are small and beautiful. Obviously, I couldn't hope to hold a candle to either of them looking the way I do.

And here I was, thinking that my problem was unfixable. All I have to do is lose some weight and then everyone will stop looking at me cause I'm different.

I'll be beautiful.

-_Albus Severus Potter_

~X~

Sept. 30th

I stopped eating as an easy way to lose weight and I have to say that it's worked wonders. I've lost about seventeen pounds already. So far, I'm right on track, dropping from a horrible 126 pounds to a much better 109.

People have begun to take notice as well. Several have complimented me on my trim physique and asked me what my secret to success was.

I didn't tell them of course. Definitely don't want to be carted off to St. Mungo's for not eating.

James and Lily have noticed too. They've said that I don't look well and are constantly riding me to see if I've been eating. I tell them every time that I'm perfectly fine, but it's blatantly obvious that they don't believe me, so I've taken to just telling them to sod off. They're just jealous anyway.

They'll get used to me being the center of attention eventually.

-_Albus Severus Potter_

~X~

Oct. 17

I've done it! I've really done it! I've actually lost another ten pounds!

Honestly, I don't think that double digits have ever looked so good in my life. 99 pounds. I can't believe that I did it. Soon I'll beat Lily and James and I won't be the fucking failure of the family anymore. Soon everyone'll see me as Albus Potter.

They'll finally see _me_.

-_Albus Severus Potter_

~X~

Nov. 11

I blacked out today in Transfiguration. One moment, I was changing a bird into a rabbit and the next, I was on the ground.

I do have to say that I am happy that I woke up quickly though. McGonagall was about ready to levitate me down to the Hospital Wing, but I managed to explain the fainting spell away on exhaustion from staying up too late to finish one of Professor Binn's essays.

She didn't believe me at first and I don't think she wanted to, but why would I, a timid and quiet little fourth year, have a reason to lie. That reputation belonged solely to my brother. So she let me go with a scolding and a promise to get more sleep tonight.

I practically ran back to my dormitory after that, thinking the entire time about how close a call that really was.

But in better news, I'm down to 93 pounds. I do have to admit though, I'm finding it harder and harder to lose weight. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to exercise a bit more than usual.

-_Albus Severus Potter_

~X~

Dec. 1

I haven't seen James or Lily for about a month now because they really started ganging up on me because of my weight. They say that they're worried about me and that I'm way to damn skinny for my own good and they keep asking me to take a good look in the mirror and see what I'm doing to myself.

And I do. Every day actually. I glare at the mirror as if daring it to lie to me and tell me that I'm not actually fat. Because that's all I am I'm still fat and you can still see the fat hanging off around my middle.

For Merlin's sake, I weigh 85 pounds! How the fuck is that not fat?

They just want me to stop because they feel threatened by me. Well, it's not going to happen. I won't stop until I'm perfect. Anyways, enough about those two.

Christmas break is soon and if James and Lily are already trying to talk me out of trying to be skinny, I'm kind of worried about what Mum and Dad will say. Will they still think that I'm a disappointment and a failure, or will they be proud of me for finally accomplishing something good in my life?

I guess that I'll find out when I go home for the holidays.

Oh, I haven't decided what I want for Christmas yet! Hmm…I know.

I want to be loved unconditionally by my family.

-_Albus Severus Potter_

~X~

I sighed as I slammed my son's diary shut. I honestly feel like such a horrible father for not noticing all of the pain my youngest son held in his heart. I hated myself as well for making him believe that I didn't love him as much as the other two. I hated that he had thought that he wasn't perfect. Merlin, I just hated everything for taking my beloved son away from me.

"Harry," Ginny said from behind me, "It's time to head to the funeral home."

I took a deep breath, barely managing to hold back tears as I choked out, "Are the kids ready?"

"Yeah." I turned and saw that she was just as close to tears as I was. Neither of us moved for a few painful seconds, but she quickly ran into my arms and began sobbing quietly into my shoulder.

"Ssh." I whispered, stroking her hair, "Ssh." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw James and Lily huddled at the door, clinging to each other as though their very sanity depended on it, which at this moment, I suppose that it did.

I pulled away from Ginny and opened my arms, which both of my remaining children filled quickly. "Promise me you two, that if you ever feel anything like what Albus felt or anything even remotely similar, then you'll come talk to me or your mother or any of your aunts and uncles. Promise me."

They nodded their head's hard against my chest and I could feel their tears soaking into my shirt. None of the four of us would ever be perfect after this. And there was really no hope that we would, but with time and love, we would eventually heal, all the while never forgetting everything we had lost that fateful day.

~X~

Albus Severus Potter

Born June 31st, 2006 – Died December 12, 2020

Always Perfect Enough To Be Missed

Whether He Believed It Or Not

~X~

A/N: I now feel incredibly depressed, but whether that's from the drugs in my IV or from this story, I couldn't tell you. I'm really sorry that I haven't posted anything in a while. I'm still in the hospital. I know. It's bad.

But I really did want to apologize for not posting, updating or betaing for a while. I am trying I really am.

Anyways, about this story. This is the first installment of a new oneshot series I'm calling, _A Child's Struggle. _They are all going to be about the children of the war generation of Harry Potter. The next will be for Louis Weasley, son of Bill and Fleur Weasley.

Enjoy. Love, TFD


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